Terese D., LMFT-LP
Couples & Individual Therapist
Couples · LGBTQ+ · Non-monogamy · Relational dynamics · Gottman Method
Accepting new clients
Couples & Partners
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in NYC
EFT treats recurring conflict as an attachment problem rather than a communication-skills problem. The fight is not about the dishes; it is about whether you can reach each other.
The cycle underneath the fight
A typical example. One partner comes home and says, "You never ask about my day." The other hears criticism, goes quiet, and looks at their phone. The first partner, now feeling shut out, gets louder. The second shuts down further. Twenty minutes later the argument is about tone, or the phone, or something from last year.
EFT calls this a pursue–withdraw cycle. The pursuer is usually not trying to attack; they are trying to get a response. The withdrawer is usually not indifferent; they are trying to stop things getting worse. Each move makes sense on its own and makes the other partner's move worse. The cycle — not either of you — becomes the thing you work against together.
How EFT works: three stages
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De-escalate
Map the cycle together — what each of you does, what you feel underneath, what you are protecting. Fights get shorter and less frightening once both of you can name the pattern as it starts.
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Restructure the bond
Each partner learns to say the vulnerable feeling underneath their usual move — "I am scared I don't matter to you" rather than "you never listen" — and to respond to their partner's. This is the stage where couples describe things changing.
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Consolidate
New responses become the default, including under stress. Old problems — money, in-laws, household load — get solved more easily because you are no longer fighting each other while you solve them.
What an EFT session looks like
Sessions are mostly live. Rather than reviewing the week in detail, we pick a recent moment where things went wrong and slow it down: what happened in your body, what you told yourself, what you did, what your partner saw. The therapist will often ask one of you to turn and say something directly to the other, in the room, in a softer form than you would at home.
It can feel awkward at first. Most couples say it is also the first time in years they have heard what is actually going on for their partner.
Who EFT helps
- Couples stuck in the same argument, where one chases and one retreats
- Partners who have drifted into distance — polite, functional, and lonely
- Couples recovering from an affair, once the crisis has settled enough to look at the relationship
- Partners with anxious or avoidant patterns from earlier relationships or childhood
- LGBTQ+ couples — the model is about attachment, not about any particular kind of couple
EFT and the Gottman method
Gottman is behavioral and skills-forward: how you start a hard conversation, how you repair, how you build friendship in ordinary days. EFT works on the emotional bond underneath the behavior. Our couples work is EFT-informed and Gottman-informed: we usually start with the cycle and the feelings driving it, and borrow Gottman's structure when a couple needs concrete tools to get through the week.
How long it takes, and what it costs
EFT is designed as a short-term model; the published model commonly runs somewhere between eight and twenty sessions, and couples carrying an affair or long-standing distance often need longer. We review progress openly with you rather than letting therapy drift.
Sessions with Terese D., LMFT-LP, run 60 minutes ($240) or 75 minutes ($300), in person at 352 7th Ave in Midtown or by secure video anywhere in New York State. We are out-of-network; where your plan accepts out-of-network claims, we file on your behalf, otherwise we issue superbills.
Who you would see
Questions
What people ask
Is EFT effective?
EFT has one of the strongest research bases in couples therapy, with gains that tend to hold up at follow-up rather than fading once sessions stop. No method works for every couple, and we will tell you if we think something else would suit you better.
How many sessions does EFT take?
The model is built as short-term, commonly eight to twenty sessions. Couples dealing with an affair or many years of distance often need more.
Can EFT help after infidelity?
Yes, usually after the first crisis phase. Affair recovery starts with stabilizing and understanding what happened; EFT helps with the rebuild that follows.
How is EFT different from the Gottman method?
Gottman is behavioral and skills-forward; EFT works on the emotional bond underneath the behavior. Good therapists borrow from both, and we do.
Do you offer EFT online?
Yes, by secure video anywhere in New York State. The live, in-the-room parts of EFT work well on screen.
Start with a consultation
Tell us what is going on. We will tell you honestly whether we are the right practice for it, and match you with the practitioner who fits — or point you to someone better placed.